- Hello, welcome to the psychiatric hotline:
- If you are obsessive-compulsive; please press 1 repeatedly.
- If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
- If you have multiple personalities, please press 3,4, and 5
- If you are paranoid delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
- If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
- If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
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